Transient Confidence

I've mentioned in earlier posts that I started running to get in control of my body and reverse some unhealthy changes that had occurred. I felt this huge surge of self-esteem and ownership over myself and my body and my actions. I was looking forward to riding this emotional high the rest of my life and using it to fuel my continued self-improvement.

The last couple of months have helped me appreciate how fragile that state can be. Losing weight felt great over the past year, but gaining two pounds around Christmas felt absolutely devastating. I felt like I had reversed all of my progress, and was back to the big girl I was a couple of years ago. Rolling my ankle on the trails shouldn't have been that surprising, but I saw it as a sign of complete inadequacy. The solid self-esteem I had before totally crumbled, and for some reason I wasn't able to use that to pull myself through the challenges.

I can't coast with this. My confidence is only going to give back what I put into it. My running is only going to be a source of strength if I keep working to strengthen it. I can't rely on it to serve me if I'm not working to maintain it. That was made incredibly obvious to me here.

New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!!! I hope all of you have had a wonderful holiday season will the people you love.

To set off this year, I'd like to put my resolutions out there for all to see.

1. I'd like to run a race that is longer than 26.2mi.

2. I'd like to get a marathon PR this year

3. I'm going to work out at least 6 days a week. Not running everyday, but I'd like to make sure that I'm incorporating things like lifting, hiking, and yoga into my schedule.

4. I'm going to spend more time running on trails this year, for a couple of reasons. First of all, being outside in the woods always makes me feel better. Secondly, I'd like to gain more leg strength and become a more athletic runner, and I really feel like this will help take me to the next level.

5. Unrelated to running (or possibly related to running?), I'd like to get out and volunteer more. At races, and in my community.

6. I need to start reading more again. This past year I have not done a very good job sitting down and reading every night, and I really would like to start again. I need to it help me wind down, but I also need to it keep myself sharp and keep myself engaged.

Here it goes!